From fired to hired, Facebook-style.

Facebook.com has achieved unprecedented popularity since its establishment in 2004 —  the social network boasts upwards of 18 million users. Everyone’s got a page — but far fewer people have an understanding of just how volatile it can be. The site’s been responsible for a bit of mayhem in the past year. Three students at Ole Miss faced a J-board after creating a group celebrating their intent to have sex with a professor; a Penn State newspaper columnist was fired after posting vitriolic criticisms of Greek organizations. But disciplinary infractions are one thing — can this seemingly innocuous website screw up your post-baccalaureate life as well?

Don’t think it can’t happen. Some employment analysts have discussed the prospect of companies performing unsolicited “background checks” on prospective hires. “But my Magic Marker Bikini Fest ’06 photos are password-protected!” says you. “It’s really private!” Or is it? It’s no stretch to assume that every office has a kiss-ass junior auditor willing to do anything to get on the short list for promotion — namely, share login info with the creepy mouth breathers in human resources.

College Living doesn’t want this to happen to you. After all, you should get shafted for a job based on the fact that you’re extremely unqualified, not the fact that you have six photo albums of yourself ripping a gravity bong in a Thor outfit. Read on. Get the gig. Thank/poke us later.

Pictures. The most incriminating area of Facebookdom is the dreaded “view more photos” link — one click, and that sweaty-palmed Accenture exec has the entire Now That’s What I Call Underage Drinking! discography at his fingertips. It’d be ridiculous to try to eliminate every drunken photo of yourself from Facebook — with an already-huge cache of blackout shots floating in the ether, unleashing an all-out assault would be about as effective as using a Dust Buster to vacuum the sand off the Great Pyramids. You can technically get away with “wasted stupor” pics by chalking it up to indigestion or bird flu pr something. Shots where you’re quadruple-fisting cran ‘n’ vodkas, however, are another story. Stop drinking so much and taking pictures of it, wastrel.

Music. How can something as personal as taste in music affect your chances at a job? Easy: It can peg you hardcore. Take, for example, these artists and genres scientifically proven to shatter your tie-tightening faux interview persona in seconds. (Note: The following picks are premised on the pigheaded assumption that your prospective boss is an assholeish white Protestant male between the ages of 55 and 60.)

DISCOURAGED

Pink Floyd/311/Any crappy jam band (Stoner red flag. Disregard if applying for a job a non-profit.)

That goshdarn rap-hop music (America is roughly 75 percent white. White people are frightened by rap music. You do the math.)

ENCOURAGED

Randy Newman (“Love that guy! He wrote the theme song to Monk, you know.”)

Sufjan Stevens (“My daughter — who goes to Yale — ‘burned’ me his latest album on one of those portable compact laserdiscs. It’s quiet, and he sometimes sings about religion!”)

10,000 Maniacs (“I don’t know them…but I know of them.”)

Status. Use your best judgment: Make sure your status statement paints you as a go-getter (“Chris is ironing his ties and filling out applications! He is highly employable!”) and not the Belushi-from-Animal House incarnate (“Chris is hardlining Jack Daniels and attempting to explain the concept of an orgy to a group of unwary Japanese exchange students.”)

The Wall. While even the most scandalous photo can be played off using a time-based defense (“Oh, that was taken before I was saved!”), The Wall can kill ya in that entries are dated and timed. Implore your drinking buddies to stop posting incriminating shit (e.g. “dude u wer sooooo fcked up last nite why did u fight those mexicans”). In return, inform them that you’ll avoid telling their significant others about “the Tiki Bob’s incident.”