College Living Magazine

Already played the explosive diarrhea and mono cards? Here are 10 new ways to weasel your way out of that test. College Living cannot be held responsible for burnt bridges/permanently tainted academic careers.

GUILT: You can always rely on the classic "I have a family emergency" e-mail. If your teacher asks for proof, ask a Photoshop-savvy buddy to create a fake funeral program. You'll probably go to hell, but at least you won't fail.

CHARISMA: Remember on Saved by the Bell when Zack Morris would halt the progression of time by simply making a T shape with his hands? This can work, but only if your friends address you as "preppy." For added effectiveness, put ridiculous amounts of Dep in your hair.

CULTURE: Explain that your intramural Frisbee squad was selected to compete in a international tournament in the People’s Republic of China. Promise your teacher that you'll bring him back a bitchin' wok.

INTIMIDATION: Place a cryptic call to your professor's home and ask him if he's checked the children. If he doesn't have any children, ask him if he's checked the thermostat.

TALKING CARS: After viewing a 48-hour Knight Rider marathon, you realize you have a rare disease that causes you to seizure whenever you hear K.I.T.T.'s voice.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: Tell your professor that you're uncomfortable taking his American History test because Spiro Agnew once touched you in your bathing suit area.

EMPATHY: You experienced a hardcore emotional breakdown after realizing Eskimos will never be warm.
 
DUMB KIDS: You had to rescue your slow nephew out of the Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.

GOOD TIMES: After noticing all the complimentary Band-Aids and diapers, you ended up staying in said ball pit for five hours.

HONESTY: You can always be honest and tell your professor you're not prepared. Haha, good one, right?